Or maybe you were so busy talking about yourself and after the conversation is over you know that you didn’t ask the person you were interacting with how they were doing and what’s up in their life?
Then you feel stupid. Selfish. But you can’t change it.
So instead you replay it over and over in your mind thinking of ways you would’ve done it differently.
Every moment you spend with that thought of what happened (you can’t change it) wishing you’d done it differently doesn’t help at all.
Actually it makes things worse and you criticize and shame yourself for it and that makes you feel worse.
Three easy steps to remedying your anxiety and worries over conversations you can’t change:
- Realize that you’re likely spending more time thinking about it and running it over and over in your mind than they are. We are the center of our universe and so often we think something we’ve said in a conversation is more important than anyone else thinks it is.
- If you feel bad about what you said or how you acted, tell them. Apologize and say…”hey last time we hung out I didn’t ask you about how you’re doing. I’d love to hear about your life so let’s get together and talk about you.” Or if you said something to them that was inconsiderate, tell them you’re sorry and aware of being rude in your interaction with them.
- Acknowledge that you’re not perfect, only human. We all make mistakes and sometimes when we interact we’re thinking about ourselves and not the people we’re hanging with so we do and say things that are selfish. Everyone does this at times in their life. Don’t be hard on yourself but learn from your mistakes so the next time you’re interacting you can choose to respond in a compassionate and considerate way.
I’ve had lots of conversations I’d love do-overs on but I don’t have a time machine to go back and fix them. What I do have is a choice to try to make every interaction I have be loving and considerate. When I mess up on this I do my best to forgive myself, ask for forgiveness, and learn from my mistakes.
It also helps to remember that I am Every Girl, and Every Girl has these same issues and problems. And we’re all magnificent, gifted, and growing…everyday. xx, LVA-